hyperthymic | open rp + meme overflow

You know I'm always happy coming to you. Physically and literally.

I mean. Yeah, yours works.

Good, because I didn't want to get dressed. Do you have an ETA? Or should I start talking about hoe hard I am just thinking about it?

Won't be long now and you can tell me in person.. and I'll help you do more than just think about it.

Best news I've gotten all day, babe. I'm so fucking turned on. Just come right in, take off your clothes and find me in the bedroom.

[ Mickey hasn't forgiven Ian for being here; not by a longshot. He's not sure he can ever forgive him for being here -- not even when the first thing he felt when he saw Ian wasn't disappointment or grief but an overwhelming surge of relief that he wasn't going to have to spend an eternity without ever seeing that face again.

He felt guilty as fuck about it, and it had been quickly replaced with anger at Ian for throwing his life away, the life he'd been too apparently happy with to come with Mickey to Mexico when it might've saved them both. So no, he wasn't looking to apologize, and he wasn't sure he would accept any either. But Charlie wasn't going to shut up until they talked, so here he was knocking on Ian's door like a kicked puppy coming back for more. ]

Hey, Gallagher. Know you're in there. We're supposed to talk, so let's fuckin' talk.

[ When Ian had seen Mickey and learned he was here, it was like his entire world ended all over again. A mixture of emotions that he couldn't place - grief as he'd once said he was doomed for life, and here he was. Anger, cause what'd he do to end up here? What was he doing? Guilt.

A lot of guilt. Ian had made his peace with being here - he'd fucked things up for himself, for his family, his relationships, lost his job - he really had gone further and above in terms of being Monica, succeeding where she had failed when she slit her wrists all those years ago.

But Mickey... he was supposed to be free.

So after that initial meeting, he'd barricaded himself in his room and tried to avoid everyone and everything -- maybe they'd forget about him in time.

But he should know better. Charlie was nothing if not stubborn, he almost had to admire her for it if he wasn't feeling so shitty about things. And Mickey, well... looks like he'd caved first.

With a groan, he pulled himself out of his bed, blanket wrapped around his shoulders and opened the door. ]

So much for pretending I'm not here, huh?

Right, lets talk.

[ It takes Mickey a beat to do anything at all but take in Ian's new appearance. Even having seen him once before, it was hard to ignore how fucking beautiful Ian still was, with his big butterfly wings and his weird new swirly eyebrows. He looked like some sort of fae creature, alien and untouchable. And taller, much to Mickey's consternation. Hell had only improved Ian and it had turned him into a fucking bunny. Rude.

He snaps out of it a moment with a grunt of acknowledgement, and pushes past Ian into the room. He's not having this chat out in the hall for everyone to overhear. But having done that, he's back at a loss. What is there to even say? ]

Fuck, Ian...

[ He scratches his eyebrow in that way he does when he's frustrated and shakes his head, ignoring the way his eyes burn and blinking back the wetness that follows. Most of the fight's already gone out of him before he can even begin, and when he speaks his voice is quietly resigned. ]

The fuck are you doing here, man? You're not supposed to be here.

[ Ian can't help it, taking Mickey's new appearance in with the barest of smiles. He's not glad to see him here, well -- maybe there's a part of him that is but. With a chuckle he reaches out with one hand to run his fingers over the soft fur of his ears. It weirdly fits him, he's not sure he'd consider himself a butterfly but... what can you do? ]

You're almost as tall as I was, before, like this.

[ The amusement fades as he steps inside and lets the door close, one set of arms crossed over his chest and he sighs. Ian scrubs a hand over his mouth before glancing up at him. Meeting his eyes. There's a lump in his throat. ]

I... shit. Knew this talk was comin', just wasn't sure it would be so soon. [ a beat. ] I mean I'm not here cause I was curious about the amenities and hospitality that Hell has to offer. I'm sure you can guess why. I thought I had it all under control, that I'd made the right choice but I spiraled hard, Mick. I fucked it all up, just like I always do. I'm not sure you want the details.

[ He purses his lips. Dying had been slow and painful, and cold. And longely, so fucking lonely. But living had been too.

Maybe he'd made the wrong choice after all. ]

[ Another beat, and then the anger settles in, burning in his chest. ]

And what about you, huh? You're supposed to be on a beach in Mexico, drinking Sangrias or some other fruity drink, not here!

[ Mickey's ear twitches at that brief touch and he halfheartedly swats at Ian's hand with a grimace. It would be too easy to fall back into their old dynamic; too easy to respond with a wisecrack and end up fighting and then fucking and never talking about the reasons they're here.

It sounds appealing, honestly. Too appealing, which is why Mickey is relieved when Ian launches into his explanation without further prompting.

His relief quickly sours once Ian says the words he'd been dreading, and he's right -- he doesn't want details, but there's a part of him that wants to know anyway. As punishment, maybe. Or because he should've been there. Ian shouldn't have died alone.

He swallows past a lump in his throat and shakes his head, trying to clear the thought of Ian dying some godawful way, hurting enough to choose that and suffering for it. ]

Yeah, well. I was. It was pretty fuckin' sweet til I mouthed off to the wrong person and got a bullet in the brain for it. Didn't hurt, though. I didn't even see it coming.

[ It seems important that Ian knows that, somehow. ]

[ Of course things are different. Ian lets his hand drop, but rubs his thumb and forefinger together as if he can still feel the warmth of those furry ears. A bunny. He could laugh, he would if it was a different circumstance. Not because he finds it funny (well, maybe a little bit; just not the dying part) but it was so fitting for Mickey. He'd been bitten by the class rabbit when he was little and not two minutes later the same creature was snuggling up to him as he scratched it's ears and his teacher cleaned up his other hand.

It was very much Mickey.

Anyways, they're different and it's mostly Ian's fault. Isn't it normally? And now they're both fucking dead cause if he had Ian there to keep him in line... He listens quietly and sighs. ]

Dumbass. You always were good at pissing off the wrong people.

[ He sniffs, shakes his head. ]

Mandy told me what happened. She would let me know whenever you contacted her. Not much, just that you were safe for the most part. Never what you were doing or where you were. [ Even though they hadn't seen each other for a while, they kept in touch and she could see right through his attempts at moving on.

And then the words are spilling out before he has a chance to stop them. He wants to be open, with how he got here and what drove him. He doesn't want Mickey thinking it's his fault - just a perfect storm of shitty circumstances one after the other, and his fucked up brain. ]

I was already struggling - my mom died. She passed the day we parted on the border. Hit a rough spot and I got depressed, got angry. Stopped taking my meds and started drinking; lost my job, my siblings' trust and then you were gone, for good this time.

Guess the comparisons to my mom weren't all bullshit but I didn't slit my wrists in the kitchen during Thanksgiving dinner, so there's that. Just downed a bottle of pills on the roof of an abandoned building.

Edited 2024-10-04 05:49 (UTC)

[ Mickey's already shaking his head and backing away a few steps by the time Ian gets to part Mickey's dreading. This isn't how Ian's supposed to go; he's supposed to have his family, his new boyfriend, his new life. He'd got his shit together, and though Mickey kinda hated him for leaving him at the finish line, he couldn't really blame him. Much. So long as it had been worth it.

It was supposed to have been worth it. ]

An abandoned building. Like we--

[ Mickey can't finish; his words are already thick with unshed tears. He can't do this. He shakes his head and sniffs, presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and tries again. ]

Fuck, man. What happened to your suicide list? Where was the rest of your fuckin' family, huh? Your new boyfriend? Where the fuck were they when you needed them?

[ Mickey wants to hit someone or something really bad right now, but no one who deserves it is here and that somehow makes him want it even more. His hands clench into fists and his gaze darts around for anything he can take his anger out on. Finding nothing that looks satisfying enough, he looks helplessly at Ian for some kind of answer that'll make it make sense. ]

[ Ian can't look Mickey in the eyes. Like their spot. He swallows. ]

Trevor and I broke up. He and I didn't really... he was never willing to compromise with me on anythin and I guess I was just too much for him to deal with. [ The cheating and running off after his ex, the highs and lows. All of it - could he really blame him? ] And my siblings - everyone was dealing with their own shit, I tried to push everyone away and they let me.

Debbie was the only one who didn't... but anyways. I'm not even mad at them, cause that's what I wanted, right? For them to give up?

[ He's not angry, nor does he blame them for not seeing things. He's a grown man and it's not their responsibility to keep him on track, make sure he's taking his meds, not drinking his meals. Fiona was barely around with her work and new apartment that she had bought - Lip was trying to pick up the pieces and stay sober.

At the same time he wishes they'd tried harder when he shut them away. Even slightly. But that was Ian. Always a little too much for everyone. Mickey is the only person who'd never shied away from him when things got tough - he'd fought harder for him until Ian broke up with him, or left him at the border.

When it came to it, the one person he wanted to talk to the most was no longer someone he could reach.

It was his fault. It always was. ]

D'you think... if you hadn't been alone that you would've still... ?

Got knocked off for running my mouth too hard?

[ There's a moment in which Mickey wants to say no, to say that having Ian with him would've made a difference, would've made him more careful. That maybe they'd have found some way to get buy that was a little more legitimate than running drugs for the cartel. That he wouldn't have been so angry and reckless, maybe.

Then he takes in the way Ian won't look at him, the way even now the weight of his life seems to wear upon him when he should've been free of it, and he forces a casual grin that doesn't reach his eyes. ]

Yeah, probably. Never did know when to shut the fuck up, right?

[ It's not your fault. He can't say it and mean it yet, but the part of him that had eventually understood why Ian had chosen the way he had knows it's true. It's not Ian's fault, and even if it were Mickey would never want to hurt him by saying so.

He takes a deep breath, shrugs his shoulders to shed some of the tension that's built up there, and looks Ian over again with a low chuckle, obvious affection in his gaze. ]

Look at you. Can't believe hell made you into a literal fuckin' fairy.

[ Ian doesn't believe him. Not really. But he nods and doesn't say anything more, he's already not sure that his heart can take it. They've both fucked up so many times in the past. And then he has a thought: that they're both here, and they don't have to be bound by the past any longer, to a life they no longer live.

It's a crazy thought and he's gonna need more time but.. what if this means they can start again?

Ian's eyes sparkle with mirth and he barks out a laugh. God he missed this. He missed Mickey, it's so easy to fall back in step with him. Caleb had been nice until he wasn't, until he cheated then tried to gaslight and manipulate him. Trevor was nice but he and his friends sometimes made Ian feel... inferior and he expected Ian to be on his level when he couldn't pay the same mind to him. Mickey was turbulent but... he was also the best. ]

Butterfly, I think. But close enough, right? They couldn't make me any gayer if they tried.

[ a beat ]

I like this look for you.

[ It's always easy between them, even when it looks to an outsider like it's not. Ian makes sense in a way nothing else in Mickey's life had. Even now, changed as they both are, this feels the same. It still feels right.

Quietly cursing the part of himself that still wants this -- the part that can still be so deeply in love with the guy who'd made it crystal fucking clear he didn't want what Mickey offered -- Mickey makes a face and gestures to the ears, which flatten back in mild annoyance. ]

It's fuckin' ridiculous, is what it is. I get bunny ears and a little fucking fluffy -- tail, and you get extra arms and wings? Why couldn't I get something useful, like two dicks, or guns for hands?

[ Ian can't help himself; he snorts and dissolves into a fit of giggling, hand clasped over his mouth as he tries, and fails to reign in some control. The ears were so expressive.

It's probably not making him feel any better about said ears but Mickey probably wouldn't be happy regardless. Not unless he got something like...

Well. Guns for hands, apparently. Typical. ]

That's not useful, Mick. [ He finally replies, clearing his throat and wiping away a stray tear. ] What are you gonna do when you need them for literally anything other than shooting, hm? Shoot yourself in the dick when you gotta take a leak?

Anyways. I like 'em.

Maybe I would! Why the fuck's anyone still gotta take a leak after they're dead, anyway? Maybe I'd shoot these ears off so I could stop having to hear every dumbass thing you say at three times the normal volume.

[Ian's laughter is contagious enough that Mickey finds himself laughing by the middle of his rant, too, the way they used to when they'd fight without really meaning it, just ribbing each other for the hell of it before things turned into a makeout session or more. It's so normal that Mickey forgets they're in hell and not together for a minute and launches himself at Ian like he's gonna tackle him all the way to the bed. ]

Bet ya can't even fight anymore with those giantass wings getting in the way.

There's other things you use your dick for, shithead! [ He pokes a finger into Mickey's chest. ] You gonna tell me you never want to masturbate again, huh? Or get sucked off? Anyways, you know you'd miss the sound of my voice, don't even lie. [ Ian yelps as Mickey tackles him, blinking up at him with a shit eating grin. Sure the wings could be unwieldy... but...

There's something to having two pairs of arms! Unfurling his wings, with the higher set he tries to push Mickey off of him...

... and the lower arms he uses to grab the shorter man and flip him over, then swings a leg over to straddle him. ]

You were saying?

Edited 2024-12-20 08:12 (UTC)

open rp + meme overflow

@ flametoplease

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hellaverse; cw for suicide discussion at some point in this thread

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tw: alcohol abuse, depression, suicide

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